Dedication to ex-girlfriend:

Oh my love.. wherever I look, I see only you.
I wanna hold your hand forever, thats what I wanna do.
Oh my darling, I love you too because you're sweet, smart and funny.
But I'm gonna marry him coz he's got all the money
:-P

So what if 72 yr old Morgan decides to marry his 27 yr old step granddaughter. After all, he's a free man :-P

Braking news. Chak de sequel on the cards after kaushik resigns. SRK to take inspiration from his darr performance :-P

Braking News: Reckitt Benckiser buys Durex maker SSL.. To launch Antiseptic Condoms :-P

Imagine... One of the greatest philosophers in human history is called 'Confucius' !!!! #getit

Braking News : Cristiano Ronaldo slaps k'naan after listening wavin' flag. He says,'Why wave the flag, when you can flag the pole' ;) #getit

As a principle,I never wish any guy friend 'good night sleep tight' ;-)

Q. Why does simpoo respect zinedin zidane so much?
A. Coz he thought he was his zizou ;-)

WTF!!! And all those years i thought STANDARD was a symptom for breast cancer.. #useyourbrainspj

And i thought BCC was two hindi gaalis spoken in quick succession !

If you have the will, you will..

WTF!!! The song Bheegi Si Bhaagi Si is NOT inspired from a hidden cam scandal !!!! like seriously???

What??? 'Faggot' is NOT a slang for Smokers??? like seriously??? ;)

After your third relationship, Can you call the first one your 'Triple X'

Thinks the expression should not be dead tired but f**k tired. For obv reasons..

As a principle,I never wish any guy friend 'good night sleep tight' ;-)

The only sona i m gonna get on this akshay tritiya is on my bed :(

Nothing seemed right & u wer al alone.
Everything looked dark & d hapines ws al gone.
Somethin ws mising, Somethin ws not there.
Things were not great & life just dint seem fair.
A door opened & the room was filled with light.
A silhouette walked in & everything became alright.
Everything just changed in an instant, i have no idea how.
Wish time stops here coz i want to live in this moment right now

No you pervert. SOS doesnt stand for Spit Or Swallow !!!!!

Wonder if Ricky Martin, George Michael and Elton John are Homo-genius

Did mandakini drink limca before ram teri ganga maili???? ;)

You're driving at ease and a hot babe zooms past.
You also speed up and start driving really fast.
You push down the accelerator and forget there's a pedal for brake.
Somehow, before the next redlight you just manage to overtake.
Your hand reaches for your hair and you start giving a 'cool' pose.
You look in the rearview mirror and she starts picking her nose

Cant we ask Pollard to play from India in the T20 world cup??
Can't he marry say Karan Johar and become an Indian citizen

Braking News: Pepsi ropes in unemployed Pug from Hutch and launches new tagline 'Pepsi: Youngistan ka BOW'

Typical Facebook Profiles

A Few of the typical Facebook Profiles that i have noticed in the past one year. If at anypoint you think that i had you in mind while writing any of these. You are right. Tag your friends and let them wonder what profile they fit into ;)

Mush Maniacs: Girls (sometimes guys too) who would put keep putting those 101 love quotes from the Internet mostly depressing. I am glad you are there. You are the best thing happened to me. There is someone special someone for you types. Typically they will tell the whole world who their boyfriend/girlfriend is through all those Heart signs,

Desperate Dickheads: Poor Guys who have never been able to lay their hand (both literally and figuratively) on a Gal and will keep copying Double Meaning Quotes from Internet to attract some attention (in any form good or bad) so that atleast somebody notices. There is another High Un-Yielding Variety of this type, which would generally have 'I Hate Love' updates. Love is for losers. I am better off being single. No Time for Love. But one look at the profile pic and you know you have seen one. Typical Fan Pages : Proud to be Single types.

I, Me, Myself: Typically this type will have more than 1000 photographs in 20 + albums whose titles are generally on the lines of Random Stuff, Just another Day Shopping, Me and My Friends, Cafe Coffee Day. There would be more than 100 profile pictures and 90 of them will be self clicked with a camera phone and occassionally with another friend in the frame. The location generally would be a coffee shop or can even reach Mall Washrooms (especially if girls). The Status updates would generally be 'Attitude' Quotes. I don give a f*ck about your existence. Typical Fan pages include I was not placed on earth to please you. Games Played : Society or Sorority Life

I am so glad i got a girlfriend(somehow): Another variant of the Mush Maniacs but with the profile pic. Will have 20 albums posing with girlfriend in Malls, Cars, Markets.(Thank God no Loos here). The profile pic will typically be a close up self clicked shot with camera phone held high showing the biggest achievement of his life being held from behind almost as if she is gonna run away ;)

Everyone else is a loser: Slightly different from the 'I-Me-Myself' type. Typically they will never 'like' any update but always try to find flaws in whatever is written. Next day you could have a diametrically opposite update but still he will find some counter argument there too. More often than not, they will never post something themselves but will just comment on every single update from others'. The 'Nay Sayers', 'System Sucks', 'India is going to the Dogs' are some cross breeds of the same type.

Super Stalkers: They have not had a single status update in the past 3 years. Would not playa any game. Will not do anything. Will not even have a profile picture. Generally are single and Dont go out at the weekend. Will just stay back. Log on early morning and will only browse through your updates (or pictures if you are a girl). They will know exactly what is going on in your life. They might not know which company you are working for but they will surely know how many girlfriends you have had in the past 3 years or anything you bought in the last one month.

Farmville Fools: NO.. Absolutely NO updates apart from 'I need a . Please send' types. Will just log in in the morning. Sit in the Chat window for the whole day. Keep 'Farming'. Will never comment on anybody's status. Will not bother about whats happening around. Only two albums in the profile. One called Profile pictures which has ONE picture since the past 2 years and Other 'Farmville photos' updated almost every month. The profile pic can also have a shot of the farm sometimes. Apologies for using Fools but i am sure its better than 'F*ckers and you know i hate that game ;) (PS: it includes the Mafia Wars too)

Sports Freaks: The Status Msgs are filled with the latest score updates from EPL to IPL. Formula 1 to International Kabaddi World Cup. The word 'God' appears almost every fortnight. Thank God Facebook is only an Online platform or we could have seen some physical Brawls too. Frequently Used Words : Hail, Kick Ass, Woo Hooo, F*ck you , God, Dada Rocks

The 'TGIF' kinds: Typically they will only update two times a week. One on friday evening saying 'Yiiipppppie the weekend is here' and then sunday Evening saying 'Damn.. Why does the weekend run away so quickly'. They will never do anything in the middle. Will just sit at home and watch TV. They will never go out or do anything worth doing over the weekend but still be as excited as a child in a toy shop on friday. Sometimes, there could be a Saturday update saying 'Bored to Death' also present.

Pet Lovers: Yes, there are people who have Cats and Dogs as their profile pictures and also name them as an extended part of their family. There are a couple of albums with nothing but their pets in different attires (Even sunglasses) and the comments are almost on the lines of mush maniacs like awwww he is so cutttteeee, My koooochie cooo, etc etc.

There are quite a few others too like The Every hour updater (Which I would fit into), The Pseudo everything-er, The bored to Death, The 'Oh I am an NRI', The 'See i went to Thailand' types but i am too lazy to describing every thing right now

PS: Wrote it in about 20 minutes so might miss out quite a few other types too. Feel Free to Add. Start Noticing your friends now and see where they fit. Do let me know where i fit as well. and ya, its ALL in GOOD HUMOR. Dont stop 'liking' me now.. ;)

And i always thought Motion Gaming was played on a Toilet seat

Whoever said 'Behind Every successful man, there is a woman' got the cause and effect relationship wrong

What are you saying!!! FYI is not Fuck You Idiot ????? like Seriously???

Do DSP Black Rock Mutual Fund and DSP Black Whisky have a cause and effect relationship ????

Its as chilly as it gets and so foggy you can hardly see.

Your tanki is full and a thousand times in a day you pee.

You are dressed like an eskimo, but feels as if you are bare.

'Weather' is damn cold, but 'With her', do you seriously care??

With a State university called Dick-in-son.. No wonder the country is called the You Ass !!!

Shouldn't a Traveler's guide be called a Pathologist???

Are MACROman undergarements meant only for photographers???

No. I dont work at ABC corp. I am just employed there!

No wonder smart people are called intelli-GENT

Things a female guitar player will never say: "My G-String is not in tune"

Why one is only called a ditcher (read: Ditch-her) irrespetive of the gender

I think woman-kind is an oxymoron

If a girl is described as a hot chick. Can a guy be described as a hot Cock??

Not sure if you should be happy if somebody asks you to 'keep it up' ;)

Does Abhishek play Oonglicricket with Ash too

Wish there was a international woo-men day too

No wonder my favorite game is BED-MINTON!

Now i know why people say Every Dog has his day.. Coz nights are ruled by bitches you see!!

This holi may god give you pink health and save you from yellow fever.

You don't get green with envy or Red with Anger.

Nobody is able to beat you black and blue.

Even if you act as jerk, nobody throws a shoe at you.

May your dear ones are always in your sight.

May the next year be as bright as Tide(or Rin) white.

:-D

Happpie Holiiiii.....

Girlfriend : "What sucks more?? FB chat or Gtalk??"

Moron: "Wherever you are online" :-(

#PJsyoushouldnevercrack #fail

Would it help even if save all the 1411 tigers?? I think we should atleast save 1 tigress too. I'm sure the tigers won't mind.. ;)

I wonder if the birth rate in 'pondi'-cherry is higher than rest of india?

I wonder if 'IBN'-e-Batuta was sponsored by CNN IBN???

Q. Why did punjabi aunty slap the dentist? A. Coz he asked her to show her 'Batti-c' ;)

What??? iPAD is not a sanitary napkin by apple???

Its good to have friends who like it when You're around. But its better to have friends who miss you when you are not

Q. Why did Veer flop?? A. Nobody was 'Veer' enough to check out the movie even once.

No wonder Gujjus like 'Che na Murgi' so much !! ;-)

Q. What's a mobile called when no sim has ever been inserted in it?
A. A 'virgin' mobile ;)

lonavala chiki tagline: ajab prem ki 'gajak' kahani ;-)

Relationships are like books. You enjoy it till you're reading. But in the end, you have to turn the page and start a new one!

Strangers meet and quickly become friends.
Sometimes its different, others its like a normal trend.
Usually it happens in due course, sometimes with a rapid pace.
Yes, i'm trying hard But can't take that stupid smile off my face! :-)

Mathematician Bahu: 'Pi' Laagooon Sasu maa !!!

Hum to khud ke aks mein bhi unhe dhoonda karte the.
Kya karein 'gar hamein hi aainaa dikha diya gya!

Jude law and robert downey jr. Wtf! Sherlock holmes or sherlock homos..

Q. Name the only woman to have visited the moon twice???
A. Moon Moon sen.. ;)

Expectations are the rooftops through which friendships commit suicide!!!!

Q. Why should you be well read to avoid constipation?
A. Readers digest ! ;-)

No wonder knight riders got screwed in IPL.
Next season hope they 'ride' less at night!!!! ;-)

Friendships are like Bell curve, but better to be in the left tail than right !!! ;-)

WTF!!!! 'Che' guevara was not gujju????

God i wish the new year to bring all the smiles.
Keep it healthy and i travel many more miles.
Give a sane head but keep the restless of a child.
Keep the fire burning, energies at full and let it be wild.

Q. How does a condom help in reducing telephone bill?
A. No STDs !!!

I wish christmas was a girl. Then i could've also had a 'marry' christmas! ;-)

Q. What's the winner of a fishing competition called?
A. A Master Baiter ;-)

RGV planning a sequel to 'Rann' with the cast of 'D' called 'Rann-D'

Dear FB, i dont like Poker but yeah would definitely wont mind a 'POKE HER' game!!

#Suggestivepunchlines: Gillette Presto: Zada jaldi karoge to Katt jayega!!

Arey wah, Aapke aur mere khaya-laat kitne milte hain!!!!"
Kya Aapka shoe size bhi 7 hai???

#Suggestivepunchlines: " Polo: Whats your hole story? " ;-D

#Suggestivebrandnames: ITC launches new brand of potato chips called 'Bang Ho'

Mahindra's rural tagline: sab 'logan' ki gaadi.

Doublemeaningoffers: do u want a 'fag'??

Is wondering if superman is a part of a 'frequent flier' program!

No wonder its called ASS-PIRATIONAL target

Never trust mallika sherawat's word. she only believes in 'lip service'

No wonder most people hated The 'Ex' Files!!!

#Doublemeaning songs: Pocket mein 'Rocket' hai!!

what is bachhendri pal's fav sex position? Ans: woman on top! ;-)

Himesh to Ranbir: Jai Mata Di, Lets Rock(et)!!!

Love is more a function of time, than feelings

Funny thing about conversations: The More frequently you talk the more you 'have' stuff to talk about. The less you talk, more difficult you find what to talk about..

Assesing 'self' worth: whats your biggest achievement apart from being your father's son?

If you dont have time for your friends today.
Tomorrow, you will have all the time but no friends

"Aur bhi Gum hai zamaane mein mohabbat ke siwa.

Aur Unmein se Fevicol sabse accha chipkaata hai.. "

Pickup line in Inflationary Time:

"Hey, Did you hear Delhi Jal Board increased the water tariff by 50%? Why don't we bathe together tomorrow?"

"If men are from Mars and Women from Venus.

Then, Earth pe kya Family Planning ke liye aaye the???"

Been almost a week since i am having this block.
As if I am staring at the mirror and am being mocked..
So called 'creativity; out of the window, Wit ka Bulb bhi ho gaya hai fuse.
May be i need somebody to inspire, A friend or better still a Muse !!!!

Is baar mohabbat ka irada hai mausiki se..
Iqraat na bhi kare toh kya hua, kamskam dagaa to na degi

Dont hesitate, just say whats in your heart.
You may land up together, or at worst you may get apart..
Strike when the iron is hot and dont think later ke 'kash, sala main dil mein nahi rakhta'.
Kyonki ek baar thanda ho gaya jo loha to kissi ka baap usse garam nahi kar sakta..
;-p

Had a busy day in office and u feel like shit.
Yes, i have had enough and this is it..
Forget all the problems, forget all the pain.
Feel the drops on your face and smell the scent, of the first winter rain.

I still remember those school n college days.
Now, all's lost in the corporate rat race..
That carefree nature and feelin like a small pup..
oh god, pls do smthing abt it, coz i dont wanna grow up!!!

'Golden' Years!!! Really???

It was a pretty strange feeling today. I was coming back from the temple and saw an old lady (like really really really old). She must have been more than 70 years and also had a back problem. She was stooping like a bow and was struggling to cross the road. As 100s of others who just passed by, not because they didnt want to help or anything else, its just that she was just not noticable enough for anybody. She was not the poor types. Just old.. Too Old.. Thats it. And ya, I was no different and almost went past. And then i could just hear a whisper. I couldnt understand what she said, but guessed that she wanted somebody to help her cross the road. Then nothing else, I just grabbed her hand and we crossed the road. I know. No big Deal!!! right? i agree. But not for her. She kept on thanking me again and again (which again i could hardly understand). Blessing me repeatedly. Kept Calling me Beta Beta. And off she went. And i went mine.

And it was over. or did it 'start'?? Honestly, I dont know. But for me, it was like living my own old age in front of me. 50 years too early i guess!! I started wondering what her story was (or even if she had a story at all!) If she had kids?? If yes, then why dint they come to the temple with her? Or Did she have anybody at all? Why would she wanna take such pains just to visit the temple?? How difficult it is for her to step out of her house every time she does? How many times in a day would she have to use that small whisper to make somebody take notice of her presence and help her? How would it feel to be invisible amongst thousands? How would it feel to be just another old man/woman in the crowd? Are these really the golden years that they are supposed to be??

She went her way and i was standing back, just looking at her. Infact, could feel something wet in my eye too. And she just walked away. Walked away step by step. And i saw her whole life in every step. Every Single step was as full of struggle as a life time. Every step mocking the whole purpose of life. IF there is a purpose. Apart from 'Survival'. Every single day. Every single Moment. Every Single Step. We are just surviving. Not 'living'. An endless journey towards an unknown destination. Just a walk. Long Walk.

All our life, we keep struggling to reach a destination. But nobody knows 'what' that destination is?? There are just milestones on a long road. We keep going from one to the other. Studies. Job. Car. Bigger Car. Marriage. Home. Bigger Home. Kids. Their Studies. Their Marriage. and it goes on and on and on. Just the long road!!! We meet companions (or co travellers if you wish to call them) who travel with us for a while and then take their own way forward. But at the end, what we are always left with is our own self. Just that loneliness (Or even Helplessness). I dont know what more to write coz i just feel blanked out. May be thats because i do not know what my old age would be like. Or rather, i dont 'expect' it to be like this. But Would that woman have thought otherwise? Just a thought. Will add when i 'Know' what i want to say!

I missed you like crazy all this time..
i kno this sounds stupid n doesnt even rhyme..
2 years of wait and all those sighs..
but now i m here oh dear mumbai!