10 November 2009
'Golden' Years!!! Really???
It was a pretty strange feeling today. I was coming back from the temple and saw an old lady (like really really really old). She must have been more than 70 years and also had a back problem. She was stooping like a bow and was struggling to cross the road. As 100s of others who just passed by, not because they didnt want to help or anything else, its just that she was just not noticable enough for anybody. She was not the poor types. Just old.. Too Old.. Thats it. And ya, I was no different and almost went past. And then i could just hear a whisper. I couldnt understand what she said, but guessed that she wanted somebody to help her cross the road. Then nothing else, I just grabbed her hand and we crossed the road. I know. No big Deal!!! right? i agree. But not for her. She kept on thanking me again and again (which again i could hardly understand). Blessing me repeatedly. Kept Calling me Beta Beta. And off she went. And i went mine.
And it was over. or did it 'start'?? Honestly, I dont know. But for me, it was like living my own old age in front of me. 50 years too early i guess!! I started wondering what her story was (or even if she had a story at all!) If she had kids?? If yes, then why dint they come to the temple with her? Or Did she have anybody at all? Why would she wanna take such pains just to visit the temple?? How difficult it is for her to step out of her house every time she does? How many times in a day would she have to use that small whisper to make somebody take notice of her presence and help her? How would it feel to be invisible amongst thousands? How would it feel to be just another old man/woman in the crowd? Are these really the golden years that they are supposed to be??
She went her way and i was standing back, just looking at her. Infact, could feel something wet in my eye too. And she just walked away. Walked away step by step. And i saw her whole life in every step. Every Single step was as full of struggle as a life time. Every step mocking the whole purpose of life. IF there is a purpose. Apart from 'Survival'. Every single day. Every single Moment. Every Single Step. We are just surviving. Not 'living'. An endless journey towards an unknown destination. Just a walk. Long Walk.
All our life, we keep struggling to reach a destination. But nobody knows 'what' that destination is?? There are just milestones on a long road. We keep going from one to the other. Studies. Job. Car. Bigger Car. Marriage. Home. Bigger Home. Kids. Their Studies. Their Marriage. and it goes on and on and on. Just the long road!!! We meet companions (or co travellers if you wish to call them) who travel with us for a while and then take their own way forward. But at the end, what we are always left with is our own self. Just that loneliness (Or even Helplessness). I dont know what more to write coz i just feel blanked out. May be thats because i do not know what my old age would be like. Or rather, i dont 'expect' it to be like this. But Would that woman have thought otherwise? Just a thought. Will add when i 'Know' what i want to say!