28 July 2009

10 Things you never knew about Delhi Traffic!!

1. The Red light turns green faster, when you stop your car JUST ahead of the Zebra Crossing!

2. As soon as you change your lane in a jam, 'YOUR' lane would start moving faster!!

3. Pedestrians can dodge cars faster than keanu reeves dodges bullets!!

4. If I honk continuously for 25 seconds, the car ahead would automatically turn into a MIG 21!!

5. The autorickshawallah will ALWAYS give the right turn signal and then turn left!!

6. The Traffic always runs faster on the other side of the road!!

7. The first car which the traffic wallah will stop while clearing traffic will be yours!!

8. The traffic jam clears faster, if you start driving on the wrong side of the road!!

9. The Bikewallah will ALWAYS find the space to JUST sneak through, between your car and the road divider!!

10. The Driver behind has to take a test mentioning the nicknames of the kids in my house and who gifted me the car(Dad or Mom or Dad's Mom or Mom's Dad etc etc), as soon as he reaches back home. Or else his licence to drive 'WILL'be cancelled!!!

27 July 2009

Q. Why does Ramnaresh Sarwan consume so much Dispirin??? (Beware: PJs ka baap hai.. PJ of the millenium. Abhi Taaza Taaza dimag mein aaya)

A. Sar+Wan : Sar+One: Head+Ek: Head+Ache..

PS: I know.. u feel like killing me right now!!!

15 July 2009

The 'NICE' Guy

Nice guys:

The ones who are 'perfect boy friend' material but still remain single.
The ones who are 'cute' but not 'hot.
The ones who are just too sweet for everything.
The ones who are 'too nice to date'.
The ones for whom ANY girl would die for, but doesnt.
and lastly..
The ones who are always available at the 11th hour, but not 'required' beyond that!!!

This is a tribute to 'THE NICE GUY'

When you are stuck somewhere between Pareto Optimality theory & Indifference curve analysis and tomorrow morning is the final exam. What do you do? You Call the nice guy.

When you are drunk and can't find the stupid guy you came to party with coz he is with some 'other' hot chick. What do you do? You Call the nice guy.

You cant decide on what do in ANY particular situation from 'would these shoes go with this top' to 'Damn, what do i do now'. What do you do? You Call the nice guy.

You have a fight with your boyfriend who in 'your' terms is an ass, a jerk, un-emotional, insensitive etc etc and you need just a couple o hours of 'talktime' with a close 'friend'. What do you do? You Call the nice guy.

Nice guy as a 'breed' has always been into existence and has the above mentioned characteristics to boast of but no credit for those.The nice guys always have the 'perfect word' to describe how beautiful/pretty/cute/hot/
smart/sexy/amazing/sweet/ at exactly the 'perfect moment'. The nice guys dont get appreciated as often as they should or as a matter of fact dont get laid as much as they should!!!

There are sooo many 'girl' friends of mine who describe their 'perfect' man as one who is smart, intelligent, funny, cute, creative, chivalrous, charactered (if thats a word) etc etc and none of the 'boyfriends' of those girl friends are even in the 200 mile radius of their description. ALL of them have their 'not important' list consisting the 'hot' factor, looks, appearance, status, money etc etc.
But the funny part is, More often than not all these girl friends tend to find the man with not so important factors present but the important characters missing!!!

This post is an appeal to ALL those women who have these nice 'friends' to STOP taking them for granted and start dating them!! Give them what they deserve. Go beyond the 'shoulder' and 'friendly' hugs. Dont 'Awwwww' them. Stop using phrases like 'Thats sooo sweet', 'you are such a sweet heart', 'o my god, you are sooo cute', 'I wish i was single' etc etc.

And Till the time this happens, i just want to reassure all the 'un-valued, un-appreciated, over looked, un-cared for' nice guys of the world. There is always 'hope' at the end. The 'hope' that keeps you going on and on. The 'hope' that one day you might move from having a 'girl friend' to having a ''girlfriend'. The hope that one day your status message at social networking site will flash 'in a relationship' before 'married'.

That one day shall come. Sooner or Later. But yes, till that time, Dont stop being a nice guy, because you are the unsung, nameless and faceless heroes of this world, and all your 'girl friends' need you to be there for them in discotheques, bars, classrooms, shopping malls, to share, to laugh, to cry, to guide, to bitch, to hear, to learn, to whine, to crib.. Wait.. Your time shall too come.. One day.. Sooner or Later.. It shall..

11 July 2009

10 Things you never knew about BARACK O-'BUM-AA...

10 Things you never knew about BARACK O-'BUM'-AA...
  1. He is an 'Ass'-thmatic!!
  2. When he was a kid, he always wanted to be an 'Ass'-tronaut!!
  3. He is planning to change how "Fannie" Mae is spelt in the US!!
  4. Before starting any new project, he consults an 'Ass'-trologer!!
  5. He drives an 'Ass'-ton Martin!!
  6. Apart from Brazillian he loves Indian 'Butt'-er Chicken too!!
  7. His favorite Stallone movie is "Ass-Ass-Ins"
  8. He is such an 'Ass'-tute politician!!
  9. His favorite transformers' character is 'Bum'-blebee!!
  10. 'Butt' Ofcourse, even after this controversy he still is the president of The U-'Ass'.